Dear waiter, you may want to consider some of these things. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.

Key Takeaways:

• While I understand it’s not your fault that the fries weren’t hot enough, it is your responsibility to do your best to serve hot food.
• I get it. You don’t want to bother the cooks because you’re pretty sure they hate you and your cool hipster beard. Or they’re too busy smoking cigarettes out by the dumpster.
• Look, the next time a customer tells you the food isn’t hot enough, just apologize and then figure out what you need to do to fix it.

“Look, the next time a customer tells you the food isn’t hot enough, just apologize and then figure out what you need to do to fix it. It’s our job.”

http://thebitchywaiter.com/2016/11/an-open-letter-to-this-lazy-waiter.html